SAFER TO HATE HER. /mason

[RORY ANDREW COOK]

Rory touched his stomach gently, running his fingers over the angry purple bruises that covered his torso. Mason could be so incredibly mean sometimes, and unfair always. Tears prickled in the back of his eyes as he looked at the mutilation that occurred when his boyfriend got a taste of his own medicine. Rory just didn't understand how he could stand to stay with someone who caused so much emotional and physical pain. He couldn't hold back his tears as he thought about Renton and what must have happened to him. He wiped his eyes with the back of his hand gently so that he wouldn't harm any of his other injuries. He dropped his hand and moved slowly towards where he kept his clothes and picked up a t-shirt. He knew that sleeping with Renton would open up a whole can of worms, but he never expected it to be this bad. Rory picked up his hoodie and slid it on his bruised body easily. He really needed to get away from Mason but he couldn't do it. Rory sniffled one last time before he moved over to where his shoes were and pushed his feet into them. He moved towards the door as if his shoes were filled with lead weights. He didn't want to face Mason, but he didn't want to piss him off more.

He pushed open the door to the bus and departed quietly and painfully made his way to Halfway Sober's bus. The wind cut through his jeans like a knife, not that he let it bother him. Rory pushed his hands into his pockets as Mason's bus came into sight. He walked over to it, knocked, and waited for someone to open it. Rory wasn't in the mood to catch Mason with one of his nightly one night stands. Right now he wanted to humor himself into believing that he was the only one his boyfriend was sleeping with right now, and even that Mason cared about him. He bit his lip, quietly wondering what his boyfriend was going to be like today and even what they'd be getting up to... was he still mad? He really hoped not, he didn't know how much more his body could take until it broke completely.

[MASON JAMES MONROE]

mason couldn't even explain the immense amount of hatred and anger he had felt barely twenty four hours ago. how had one little night changed his mood so much? that really wasn't even that much time. did chase really have that much of an impact of his mood levels and stuff like that? maybe it was just the surprise of finding her when he thought he would never even hear from her again. or maybe it was that he'd slept with her, something he'd been halfway fantasizing since he was old enough to have started having sex. he had known for a good amount of time that he loved chase, more than anyone even though he had only known her for a few weeks in his childhood. it had been a childhood crush that he hadn't recognized until he was too old to fix it. he had spent around a year trying to find her after he turned eighteen, searching every place he could possibly think of. he had even contacted the adoption agency they had both been in, but of course, like all the rest of his luck, he had been out of it. they 'couldn't release that information to him'. it was like the people around here were trying to tear his insides out and put them on a canvas. his heart in particular.

it had taken a long time for him to get over her, but he had decided that once he was on tour, he would let her go. he would put her in his past and move on, but that was probably the hardest task he could've ever tried to accomplish in his whole life. and yet, here on this tour, before he even knew that chase was there with him, he had met someone. sure, they weren't perfect and they had their problems, but rory was actually someone he loved. someone he could actually see himself being with for.. well, if not most of his life, the rest of it. he had, however, promised chase that they would be together one day. sure, it may not be a day this week, or in the next two weeks, but the day would come. and yet, he was still possessive and over-protective of rory. his head was so messed up, he couldn't even process it himself. it was so confusing for him right now, that he was surprised he could think even partially straight.

it was safe to say that mason was in a better mood than he had been, though. despite the fact that his boyfriend had slept with one of his best friends on and off bothered him, but he really needed to get over it. that's what had brought him and chase together now.. maybe he should.. apologize? had that thought just crossed his mind? oh god. maybe it was a good idea. his thoughts were interrupted by a knock on the door. his mind wandered over the possibilities but pushed them away and just opened the door. he bit his lip as he saw rory standing in front of him and pulled him forward, wrapping him in a loose hug so he wouldn't hurt him. he let his lips brush over his. "i'm sorry, baby.. for hurting you." the words left his mouth before he could rethink them. "it won't happen again." he murmured the words gently into rory's skin.

[RORY ANDREW COOK]

The door opened and Mason was there. Rory expected to feel his world fall to pain again, to feel Mason's hot temper once more on his poor bruised flesh. He braced himself for the pain that he was sure to follow the opening of the door, there was only so much that his body could take. Only so many hits that it was willing to take from Rory's first, well, anything. His first kiss, his first fuck, his first a lot of things. He felt his body being pulled along and expected it to lead to being led into their bus so Mason could cut into him again. He was pleasantly surprised to feel Mason cover his lips with his and hug him not too tightly. Rory wanted to cry in relief, but he didn't.

Who knew that those small words had such an impact on him right then and there? Those few words caused such a huge relief to fill Rory more than anything ever would. He felt a hole being filled with something he'd missed. His arms slid around Mason's body as he pushed his face into Mason's shirt after pulling away from his lips. He felt an aching behinds his eyeballs as tears floated to the surface. Rory was so incredibly relieved that Mason was no longer mad at him, he no longer wished to beat him into oblivion. He let tears escape his eyes letting the fear and shame he'd felt leave his body slowly and surely. Rory let the tears fall faster and he sniffled a little clinging to Mason for dear life.

Rory looked up at Mason a little and wasn't quite sure what to do. Oh god, he missed Andy. He always knew how to cheer him up, or make him think about stuff that really didn't matter. He breathed in his boyfriend's scent silently, hoping desperately that Mason wasn't lying. There was only so much hurt that his body and heart could take before he couldn't take it anymore. He clutched Mason tighter, "I'm sorry." Rory spoke quietly, "I deserved it, I was being stupid. It was my fault, not Renton's." His eyes, still shining with tears, searched Mason's face for something he didn't know what. He stood up on his tippy toes and kissed Mason gently, hoping that everything would go back to normal, that Mason would completely forget about Renton, and mostly that it was all a bad dream. He hated feeling his boyfriend's hands on him in anyway other than to touch his body as a lover, if that made sense. "I like you better." He added quietly, hoping that it was what Mason wanted to hear from him, he really didn't need anymore bruises to match what he already had.

[MASON JAMES MONROE]

mason felt better with rory's hands around his waist as he closed his eyes slowly, rubbing his boyfriends back gently as they stood in the doorway of his bus. he couldn't help but be the way he was, that's how he had been since the sixth grade, and as hard as he tried, it seemed almost impossible for him to do. rory was too good for him, he had known that for a long time.. and chase was as well. there was nobody that was on his level except himself, because there wasn't many people who would stoop as low as he had himself. mason knew he was a horrible person, and he was starting to hate himself for it because he knew that the worse he got, the more lousy his life would get, and a lousy life wasn't much of a life at all. he had learned that lesson when he was younger. when you had a mother like he did, you learned everything the hard way. you learned that wetting the bed and crying were things you weren't allowed to do unless completely necessary. you learned that teddy bears and blankets were for babies. and your most important lesson was don't make tim mad, because when tim got mad at you, all you could do was hide.. and tim definitely didn't like hide and seek.

he wanted to be able to comfort rory in every way possible, but his mind was in clouds. he was thinking of other things that he really couldn't get his mind off of right now. chase was here, he knew that much, which automatically called for his mind to be off somewhere else while he was living in the moment. as rory clung to him, he let his lips press against his hair before he let his forehead rest against the top of his head. he could slightly feel the hot tears seeping into his shirt as rory cried against him. just at that thought his heart broke a little bit, and he couldn't help but feel even worse for hurting him like he had. what had he been thinking? that was a no brainer. he hadn't been thinking anything at all. he had been thinking that he was angry at rory and renton, and that they deserved some kind of punishment for their actions, though he had taken it a step too far, that much he knew. mason knew that he couldn't say sorry enough to actually make things better, but he could damn well try, but for now, he stayed quiet while listening to rory talk.

he couldn't believe the words coming out of rory's mouth. he deserved it? mason knew he had said the words, but he hadn't thought rory believed them. he could feel his heart crack a little more. why was it so hard to unlove this boy? he didn't understand. "hey, don't cry." he said gently before pressing his lips against the tears streaming down his boyfriends face. "and don't be sorry, either. i shouldn't have hit you like that, it was wrong of me, and i was the one being stupid. not you." his voice was a much gentler tone than it had been for the longest time. "i should be sorry.. i am sorry." he pulled away from rory again and leaned down, kissing his lips again once more, resting his forehead against rory's now, staring into his eyes. "it doesn't matter. nobody should've gotten hurt like this, no matter who you like better or who you like worse, or who you slept with.. i should try to stop being so impulsive. we were fighting.. and you did what you wanted. it's.. not a big deal." he pulled his forehead away from rory's only to plant his lips in the same spot his forehead had been.

[RORY ANDREW COOK]

Mason may have told him not to cry, but that wasn't going to cause him to stop. Unlike Andy ,when Rory cried, he cried for real. When he cried it was as if a dam had split and broken and the water that it held back just flooded out at a painful speed. Why was he crying? Relief? Sure, relief that Mason wasn't mad, but at the same time he was sad. He didn't like being thrown around like a rag doll, it hurt him. Actually, it hurt his dignity more than anything, so in a way he was also thankful that he could cover up all of the bruises easily, but that didn't stop his pain or his many tears. He clutched tighter at Mason's shirt as violent sobs broke through his chest. Rory was so confused with Mason, mos of the time he felt like Mason hated him, but this, his voice was soft and gentle. It made him feel safe, though he couldn't be so sure while he was around Mason. His lips made Rory feel like a baby, that's all he was no matter how much he believed Andy to be the baby, but he wasn't. Andy could stop crying whenever he wanted, Rory couldn't. It was one skill he failed to pick up as a child, one that he honestly wished that he had. Crying was one of his absolute least favorite things to do, it was down on the list next to killing babies and punching small children.

Don't apologize either? What did Mason want from him. He didn't understand. Rory missed his mom, why couldn't she be here to tell him Mason was bad news? In all honesty he wanted to know why he couldn't take his own thoughts seriously. Mason was bad news, his stomach was proof of that; yet he stood there before Rory, hugging him, telling him not to cry and not to apologize. How could he just suddenly stop being mad at Rory? He didn't know if he could trust it, whatever. He'd take the risk for today, he didn't have the energy to stay cautious around him. There was something just holding him back from being completely cautious, maybe it was just the sheer desire that he'd do what he said he would and not lay a hand on him again. Rory sighed and nodded, sure he knew deep down that it wasn't, but on the surface it seemed like it was his fault, all his fault. In reality he'd aimed to piss mason off with Renton, it just backfired in a huge way. Poor Renton, he hadn't done anything, he'd been an innocent bystander. All Rory seemed to do was mess things up for a lot of people.

His eyes shifted to Mason's and he kissed him back gently instinctively. There was something wonderful about kissing, it was something he hadn't discovered until the tour. Lips were amazing things, and the things Mason's lips could do made out for interesting situations. Rory gazed into his boyfriend's eyes listening to what he said quietly, again with the it wasn't his fault. He shrugged a little, "It doesn't really matter anymore," he lied forcing a smile on his tear stained face. "I'm fine with it." Another lie, but what could he say? What was there to say? He didn't know what to do, what to say. Maybe he'd accept that as an answer, other than that he didn't know what Mason wanted from him. Rory forced a smile, "But I knew better Mason. I shouldn't have done it." In reality it was probably the bruises talking, it was as if admitting his faults to his boyfriend would suddenly make all of his problems go away, but he knew better than that. Rory kissed him again gently, wanting nothing more than to have the conversation end as soon as possible. He just wanted it to be over and to forget about his angry proof of what had happened. He thought that perhaps if they didn't talk about it they could all pretend it didn't happen. "I only want to sleep with you from now on. I... I didn't like it." Once again a lie, he did enjoy it just not as much as he did with Mason so there was some sort of truth hidden in his lie. The only part of his experience he didn't like was the whole having to take charge part. He wasn't that sort of person, he was the background guy, Mister Quiet and Awkward. It was the way it seemed that it would always be.

Rory shut his eyes and melted against Mason's body more so, all of the tension completely leaving his beaten body. He felt his hands move down Mason's back a little, down to the bottom of his shirt near his rear end. They slackened a little as he relaxed completely. He was tied, he hadn't slept well the past night. Part of his sleep issues could have been tied back to the guilt, and the other part due to his issue of being unable to get comfortable in his bed. He had trouble finding a position that didn't cause his bruises to hurt in one way or another. Rory wished, in a way, that he'd thought about putting ice on them sooner so they wouldn't have been as bad, alas he hadn't. Of course he hadn't, he'd been freaking the fuck out, well not really. He'd been upset and tired, he'd just sort of flopped down on his bed and gone to sleep crying like a stupid baby. Looking back at it, it was a good thing that everyone had been asleep, the last thing he wanted was for someone to go around asking questions about the soft sobs that had been emitted from his bunk until he passed out.